Lamentations of a desperate heart.

Reality check: I am severely unhappy.

I hate that we use social media to only show the best parts of our lives.

So here’s my little bit of truth; I am travelling the world and no longer enjoying it. Haven’t in weeks.

I have great days with amazing people and I cherish those moments but they’re nothing more than moments that just distract from the pain, cover it up briefly. Deep down I can feel desperation clawing at my heart which just wants to go home.

I want to go home. I would rather be at home. In Australia.

It’s likely I’ll leave again a month or so after I get home for another trip, but I need to go home to my family and friends.

I can’t do what I thought I could. Maybe through Asia I could have and maybe even in South America, but Europe sucks the life right out of you. Hence my misery.

I’m going to keep looking for a place that will serve as a resting place for a few weeks. I think this may be in Croatia? Sunshine, saltwater, good food, chilled atmosphere, lots of green, islands to hop around, waterfalls, cheap accommodation, quiet places to wait on the Lord and read His Word. Let’s see if that helps to fill the void.

Just thought I’d take the time to be honest about it. I may be smiling in the photos and yes they are all truly happy moments but it doesn’t take away the pain.

How do you pray the misery away? I lost all my joy and contentment the day I left Australia. WTH??!!

Soo yeah…those are my Lamentations.

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Then God said…and now I live in Prague

At different points in our journey with God we hear Him speak into our lives. Sometimes it’s with a gentle nudge; other times His voice is so blatantly obvious we’d be fools to ignore it.

Before I arrive in each new country, each new city, each new town I pray a simple prayer, “Lord, I have no idea what we’re doing here,  but I know that with you it will be okay. Please go ahead of me and prepare the way. I’m so curious what You have planned!”

And He has been there answering this prayer in the most incredible ways. Because of Him I have made exception friends and wonderful memories. Above all I know I am safe because I am leaving everything in His capable hands.

 

So now for the reason I’m writing this entry…

I first came to Prague about a month and a half ago and fell in love with the old cobblestone streets and beautiful architecture. I new from the beginning that I would be coming back. There was no doubt in my mind. I had fallen in love with Prague’s Old Town. It just seemed so graceful and charming.

During this visit a toyed with the idea of working at the hostel I was staying at but decided I wouldn’t apply just yet seeing as I had to leave to meet my little sister in Vienna for a week. I was sad to say goodbye to a place I could have happily called home.

On the third Monday of June I was ready to leave Vienna again and went to sleep with my bags packed ready to go to Munich. When I awoke the next morning I realised I would rather be in Prague and decide to tweak my “plans” to fit. I arrived back in the city and stayed at the same hostel. Just a few nights this time; I would be heading to Berlin next of course. I was excited to see the staff at the hostel again and got chatting about the jobs they were hiring for. I wasn’t sure I wanted to stop travelling. I’d only just got back on the road that day and I was so excited about making my way towards the UK and visiting some friends along the way. I felt uneasy about applying for the job and took this as a sign that I should continue. You know, that gut feeling that it’s just not quite right. That God has something else planned.

So I went out that day and enjoyed my time in Prague wandering it’s winding streets with new friends. When we returned I poked my head into the reception to ask an irrelevant question only to find the owner about to go in search of me. So weird! He asked me if I wanted a job at the hostel and in a round about way I guess I said yes because before I realised I was being interviewed and set up for an intro shift the next day. In the end I knew I couldn’t say no to this. Not because the offer was too good to refuse, but because I had just had something I wasn’t entirely sure about almost forced upon me. I didn’t even apply!

I figured either they were desperate or God actually wanted me here for whatever reason. So I began to pray. I messaged my parents and asked them to pray with me, but didn’t tell them what for. I wanted a solid confirmation from the Lord that this really was happening by His intervention. The trial days were successful and I began work that Sunday as a hostel receptionist. Only downside was I had no place to stay and I was not about to endure a stressful quest to find a place that would meet my needs. So again I began to pray. I prayed that if God really wanted me here, that if this was really all by His doing and part of His plan, that He would go before me and arrange a smooth and easy transition from homeless to perfect location.

Well, a couple days later I had my answer. I had made some appointments to check out some apartments with rooms for rent. The first was okay. Doable. Nothing fancy a tad depressing but certainly manageable. The next place was big and spacious. Friendly housemates and in an incredible location. I couldn’t believe that I was the first person to be viewing the room either. It meant that if I wanted it, all I had to say was “I’ll take it” and it would be mine. Then and there. So, then and there I checked to pictures and locations of the other places I was planning on visiting still. And then and there I decided that this was it. I would be very happy here for as long as God wanted me here. It was that easy!!

I had prayed that He would confirm by making everything fall easily and stress-free into place before the end of the week. In all my life I have never had God put me somewhere in such a way. He has always guided and nudged me in His direction for my life. Sometimes I adhered to his nudges and other times I strayed. But never before has it happened to me that the Lord has moved in such a way that said

“This is where I want you right now. This is where you need to be.”

For the record, I have no idea why He told me to stay. I don’t know what He is doing here in Prague but I am so excited to be a part of something so intentional, so very deliberate. I am honored by His voice in my life at this time. When He tells me more about ‘the plan’ I’ll let you know.

I’m so excited!!! 😀 And oh so very happy and contented in my place with the Lord.

 

Wherever I go I am home, because He is with me. <- something I realised only a week or so ago while wondering why I wasn’t home sick and still happy to be travelling around. I don’t think I will ever get enough of Him.

Reflections of the Beginning…at almost the End (not really though)

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I’m coming now to the end of my time in South East Asia and looking back on the time that has passed, the places I’ve been and the people I’ve met, I feel completely satisfied. I have found some peace … Continue reading